#1 - You have expressed interest in coming out to a show but haven’t yet and this is the perfect opportunity because:
(a) I am headlining, which is a pretty big deal and
(b) I am also giving out free pencils.

#2 - When I’m famous some day you will sound much cooler saying, “I last saw her headlining at Nietzsche’s in Buffalo,” rather than, “I last saw her bombing in Mr. Fialkiewicz’s Sequence III Math class.”

#3 – You have been entertained by and known to “like” my facebook statuses OR you have been frustrated by the lack of a “dislike” option and secretly harboring a desire to throw produce at me. (Dole pineapple please – I can’t afford to buy them myself.)

#4 - I will never have a child. Thus, I will never invite you to a baby shower …just this comedy show with an extremely reasonable $5 cover.

#5 – You could use a good laugh and with a line-up of at least 10 comics before me, someone is bound to get the job done even if you end up thinking that I suck.

#6 - You have already been to a local comedy show and you know it’s a hearty good time.
(PS: Thank You!)

#7 – You are also a comic and you do these sort of things so why not come out on the 17th to celebrate with me?

#8 – Buffalo's thriving art scene is something to brag about and you don’t want to be left out.